I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
