We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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