Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
