P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
