im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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