Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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