"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
