dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
