Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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