The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
