theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
