Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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