someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
