Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
