My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
