mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
