New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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