Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
