he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
