the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
