Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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