It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
