...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
