Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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