Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
