She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
