After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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