walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
