Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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