It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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