It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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