I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
