It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
