I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
