I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were destined to go to rehab together
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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