so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
