Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
