Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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