More tranny stories later!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
