he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
