I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
