ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
