i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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