can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize