No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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