and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
