Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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