i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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