you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
