I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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