I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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