You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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