i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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