guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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