Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
