So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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