garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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