just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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