I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
