Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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