I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
