it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
