when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
