somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
