I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
