I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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