If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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