Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
