I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
