i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
