Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
