A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
