For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
