wanna go halves on a baby?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
