I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
